What You’re Not Changing, You’re Choosing
We all have parts of our lives we complain about. Maybe it’s the job that drains your energy, the relationship that feels more like a burden than a joy, or the body that doesn’t feel like it reflects who you want to be. Yet here’s the truth that’s easy to ignore: what you’re not changing, you’re choosing.
That sentence can sting at first. It forces us to face the uncomfortable reality that even inaction is a decision. Staying in a situation, even if it’s painful, is still a choice.
Complaining vs. Choosing
When we complain about something but continue living the same way, we’re silently agreeing to it. We might say, “I hate my job,” but if we take no steps toward learning a new skill, updating our CV, or even setting boundaries at work, then we’ve chosen to remain in that role. The same goes for relationships, health habits, or personal goals.
Complaining without changing is like sitting in a car with the engine running but never shifting gears. You’re expending energy, but you’re not going anywhere.
Why We Avoid Change
Change is scary. It requires effort, risk, and often discomfort. Our brains love familiarity—even if that familiarity isn’t making us happy. But comfort zones are also stagnation zones. Growth, joy, and transformation live just beyond them.
Reclaiming Your Power
The empowering side of this perspective is that it puts the steering wheel back in your hands. If not changing is choosing, then choosing change means reclaiming your freedom.
- If you’re unhappy with your health, you can choose one small action: walk for 10 minutes, drink more water, or cook a fresh meal.
- If your relationship feels heavy, you can choose to communicate honestly or, if necessary, walk away.
- If your career feels like a cage, you can choose to explore opportunities, take a course, or network.
A Question to Ask Yourself Daily
Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” try asking, “What am I choosing by not changing this?”
That question alone can shift your perspective from victimhood to empowerment.
Final Thoughts
Life is a series of choices—both the ones we actively make and the ones we avoid making. The next time you catch yourself stuck in a loop of frustration, remember: not changing is also a choice. And once you see it that way, you gain the clarity (and the courage) to choose differently.